Crystalline Page and I met on instagram. It was one of those evenings when you’re unknowingly browsing for connection and you find it.
Crystalline Page lives in the US and I live in the UAE, a continent and a half and one big ocean apart. She’s around my age and interestingly enough, we both shared similar stories. She was raised catholic, I was raised devout Muslim. We both forayed through a path of deep questioning. After high school, she went to embark on a new journey to study as a nurse in college. I started off studying interior design, which I absolutely abhorred. We both left these fields when we decided we couldn’t take it anymore. It didn’t align to who we truly are as spiritual beings. And we are both currently shaping our paths as healers, each in our own way.
We decided one evening to have a conversation about intuition. This has been an obsession of mine and a speciality of hers for a while. I believe I’ve always had an intuitive sense for what is good and what is bad for me. But my intuition would not have come alive fully, winged and growling, had it not been for a damaging event that occurred in my life as a fourteen-year-old when my gut positively screamed at me to the point that I had a stomach ache. After that I became aware my body’s signals. My obsession started, however, recently, a year ago to be exact, when I felt pressured to make some big life decisions and needed that guidance so desperately. In the process, in the throes of my obsession, I may have tangled myself up a bit the way your feet would get tangled in the ropes during a double-dutch match. What was intuition and what was fear? Does intuition give warning signs or does it only show you what feels right? Where does intuition come from?
Below is a recomposed conversation between me and Crystalline Page about this.
MARAM: So I want to start this conversation by telling you about the guided meditation I joined at a meditation center close to my building here in Dubai. It was called “The Soul Contract Meditation” in which we were meant to understand what the major lesson is that our soul is meant to learn in this lifetime. The teacher was a hypnotherapist and she was going to guide us to the higher realm, outside our dimension so we could meet our spirit guide and ask him/her/it all the important questions. I met someone in the meditation and got emotional as I asked him my nagging life questions. The answers that I got from him felt very intuitive and I realized I knew them all along. But to hear them from an “ascended sage” gave me so much comfort, like I was being watched and cared for. I had nothing to worry about. When I came out of the meditation however, I felt a little nauseous and the first thought I had was “I wish this was real.”
Here, I had a feeling what Crystalline Page was about to say in response so …
MARAM: And when I explained this to the teacher, she smiled and told me with her soothing healing voice “It’s as real and you allow it to be”. That only frustrated me more. I was calling out for something physical, tangible. I wanted an ascended sage to appear before me and speak to me so that I would have zero doubt that it’s not just my imagination. I wanted to feel cared for by an ascended being that I could turn to for advice whenever I needed it.
This reminds me exactly of what one of my mentors told me after I finished my first healing session with him. I came to him seeking healing with the “blocks” I felt within me when it came to receiving more self-love and money in my life. The session led to me meeting some of my spirit guides and soul family. I did another session with him that allowed me to experience my first past life regression. These experiences were one of the most profound I had ever gone through and I remember saying to myself they felt so real. For both experiences, I went through a deep hypnosis. I came back crying very heavily with tears of joy and amazement. I knew that this was not pretend.
I remember my mentor who did these sessions with me was a shamanic practitioner. He discussed with me that these experiences occurred for me so that I could gain what was useful from them. He said, “ Are they real or not? That is up for you to decide. Were they helpful? Do you feel at peace? If the answer is yes, would it matter if it was made up by your brain to resolve issues you had or if it was a true, supernatural experience you just went through.” It made sense to me. After these occurrences, I continued to have powerful experiences on my own and with other clients of mine where I walked them through similar hypnosis through which they received messages from and met their spirit guides. And they were left in tears and in powerful states of empowerment and enlightenment.
So if you ask me if all of this stuff is real or are we crazy... Well, my answer would be is that there is so much to life than what we cannot physically see and not comprehend to its full extent yet. And thats pretty awesome I think! It’s an exciting journey that we are on!
MARAM: So tell me what is intuition to you?
I was given an analogy by my spirit guides that our intuition is like a GPS system. Its our higher self. Us connecting to that. It knows why we came into this lifetime. It helps guide us to where we need to be and experience what we need to to evolve and grow as humans and spiritual beings.
On a physical level of understanding, I feel it in my gut ( or sacral chakra), my heart chakra, and in my third eye. I have learned that when you are fully aligned, all of these intuitive centers work hand-in-hand and that activates and opens your connection to your higher self or, how others would word it, ,as your light body. What I have come to learn about my intuition is that when I feel something is right or aligned with who I am, I feel a warm feeling in my gut and heart. I can kind of see with my third eye a bright light form in my intuitive centers also. If something is not aligned with my vibrations, who I am , or my life path, I feel a heaviness overcome me, and feel an ill-feeling in my gut. I then see with my third eye a dark cloud float over me kind of. I listen to these feelings within me and that is how I learned how to follow my intuition more. When I started doing that, life has been so much easier and free-flowing.
MARAM: For me it feels like an opening, like an open space of light in my body. I feel drawn into a stream of events that are inevitable. There can be struggles on the way but the initial feeling will be of something opening. I’m still learning about the other messages. What feels wrong for example. I recently booked for a trip that I had been excitedly planning for a few months. But when the time came to book the tickets, I felt very hesitant and kept putting it off. I did not want to feel this way and I started asking myself, is this an intuitive response to the decision? Does this mean I shouldn’t go? Is something bad going to happen? Then I did a prayer that we were taught to do as children in our religious upbringing when we are making a choice, and I waited. My first feeling after the prayer was of an excited opening so I booked the tickets right away. After that, this tightening and dread came over me again so I got so confused.
Have you ever experienced the negative consequences of not listening to your intuition?
Crystalline Page: Yes. the first thing I can think of is a simple concept like taking multiple choice exams back in school. I was always one of those smart, quiet kids who sit at the back of the classroom. I studied so hard for as long as I could remember. I was pressured to live up to high expectations being raised in an Asian family so I always had A’s and B’s which were the highest grades you can get in the United States.
I was not consciously aware of intuition until I was older and actually understood and learned about the concept until I was in college. I struggled with self esteem and self confidence my whole life so of course with that and wanting to always please my parents, I had major test anxiety. It got worse in high school. I still maintained the A’s and B’s but I know I did not excel as much as I could have if I had known about intuition and had better self confidence.
MARAM: Well how about experiencing negative consequences that made a large impact on your life?
Crystalline Page: Well, pursuing a career that I was not passionate about in college. Nursing. I knew I excelled in art. I loved doing art projects, coloring, drawing, making things, I was very creative as a young child and throughout primary school/ elementary school. But with my low self esteem, I could not go against my parents’ wishes as they wanted me to get into medicine. In my mind though I was pretty ambitious my whole life, not afraid to go above and beyond and achieve. I always had big dreams since I could remember, be a veterinarian because I loved animals, wanted to save the world, be an astronaut and go to space , have my own business as a bakery owner or run my own restaurant, but I was not really encouraged to be different but to conform. Stay within what was acceptable. Since my parents were encouraging medicine, I decided I wanted to be a doctor. A pediatrician because I love kids and again had big dreams to change the world. And then, again, I allowed the limiting thoughts of my parents get to me: “ it’s too expensive. You will waste too much time being in school. Why not just be a nurse. It takes 2 to 4 years instead.” So I settled. I hated every day of it. I dreaded going to school. But I still pushed forward. It was the worst 6 years of my life (took me longer because I had 2 years of pre-requisites and 4 years to finish my classes). During this time, I hit my rock bottom and had thoughts of committing suicide (probably due to the pressure of school, and I felt at this time in my life, I was realizing so much about myself and how the world worked, I felt hopeless. Nothing was working for me. I had no boyfriend. I was stuck at a dead-end job,etc..) but luckily someone was watching over me. I was almost done with the nursing program, last semester. I passed all of my classes but one. The easiest one, a review class and prep for the board exam to get my license. I had failed a class and had to retake it the year before and if I had failed one more class, I could not graduate. That happened. No matter how hard I tried, it came down to 3 tries to pass the final exam and I could not pass. By 2 percentage points. This was devastating. The thing I thought I was good at, school, I had failed. It had to be God or the Universe telling me no matter what, we can’t let you pass. You have another path in life. You have to go through this failure and all you did was for a reason. I am stuck with $70,000 of student loan debt because in the first place, I did not follow my dreams. I did not follow my intuition, knowing this was not the path I wanted to take for my life. And I suffered 6 long years to please other people. It taught me to never do that again and ever since then, I have been learning how to follow my intuition more and I could not be happier. I found my life purpose. I am aligned with the healer that I am and am helping people. I found my soulmate. I have travelled to places I have always dreamed of visiting and foreign lands I have never imagined existing. And I am doing something I love and building those businesses I have dreamed of pursuing to make a positive impact on the world.
MARAM: Wow that’s great! At this point I am taking my move to Dubai for example. That move came from an intuitive place. I know that for sure. Because it felt like a big opening from a place of peace and then I got drawn into a stream of events that led me this way. There were struggles of course. I had to face my parents’ intense objection and overcome that. But eventually I settled here. Now, it’s not feeling right anymore. Or at least, not right for my body and my authentic self to be here for long. And I’m confused all over again.
It seemed moving to Dubai has served its purpose in your life. Can you think of what that is? You just told me about it.
MARAM: I am not sure. What is it? ….
Crystalline Page (grinning):
You just said it. You stood up to what society told you you couldn’t do. And you did it. You proved to yourself that you can do anything. And your soul has learned that now.
So what now? Haha!
Crystalline Page: Well I think you will be guided to the next step from here.
The key thing to intuition, I guess, is not to overthink it. I feel that I fall into that trap often because my mind, like an A student who is also a teacher’s pet, desperately wants to get it right! It’s the Hermione Granger in me! I am learning to follow the flow, rather than the concepts and questions...the what-ifs, do’s and don’ts, the constant race to understand the plan that life has for me. I think what we both agree on for now is what feels right. I am still observing what my intuition does when something is wrong for me. I believe I have the gist of it but it’s more confusing to me than what feels right. And I think that, to my small self, what feels wrong is very important because it speak to my endless fears and worst case scenarios.
Still a lot to learn! Maybe we should have a conversation like this again another time to check in about where we are in our intuitive path. Much love for sharing this with me Crystal!
Crystalline Page can help you with your own intuitive path. Check her out on Facebook and IG @crystallineawakenings_1111 and Youtube channel at Crystalline Awakenings. Or visit her website www.lifeflowcenter.com